Esquires Coffee in Guildford

Annoyingly Nando’s was full so we ended up going next door for the worst dining experience ever. Warned as we arrived that they didn’t have much food in stock… but that was ok, we just wanted burger and chips, which they had. When ordering on the app, (as no one came to our table after we were sat down) I forgot to make it “two” child meals. I went to the till straight away to explain, but was greeted with a real attitude of “I’m not interested in helping you” After a few minutes of the guy faffing on the machine and constantly telling me he can’t promise anything to correct the order(!) (it was simply to add the kids meal reduction, which the deal was kids get a £2 meal with an adult meal)…. I just said I’ll happily just cancel it and redo it if it’s too much trouble, which was met with more huffing and puffing. I finally bit the bait and said I’ll just cancel the whole order then and go some where else, to which he quickly then said, oh it’s ok I’ll just comp it as it’s only £2. So after that fiasco, I felt like we’d finally got somewhere, but considering we were only one of the two tables being served, or should I say, NOT being served or waited on… it took over 30 mins to receive our cold food. We heard a bell ring from upstairs 20 minutes after ordering, but the staff ignored it. I assume that was our food, and probably why we got I cold 10 mins later. Just before our food arrived, I followed the sign to the toilets, but half way up the stairs I got shouted at and told they were out of order. I just replied “I was following the sign”, and the guy said “oh, checking on your food were you?” (As the kitchen was upstair)… I mean, probably a good thing, as our food then arrived, so again, I took that as a win. But, the fries were ridiculous, so thin, cold and hard. Our children’s burgers were burnt round the edges. My wife’s burger was tiny and tasteless. No one came over to check in on us, or ask about the food. Staff were just leaning at the counter on their phone, and instead of waiting us, were just waiting to go home. We ended up just leaving (as we’d already paid on the app) as no one came over, and I was too annoyed to go up and complain, we just wanted to leave at that point. Everything seemed to be a big effort for these guys, and anything they said was incredibly insincere and baiting for some sort of argument?! It was the most bizarre, awkward atmosphere I’ve ever experienced. On reflection and feeling really deflated about it the next day, I wish we had just left, but we just kept giving them the benefit of the doubt. Being nice doesn’t pay at this place. Avoid at all costs.

Very disappointing visit as used to be a lovely pub. No precautions in place for covid - no details being taken from visitors and just 1 small token bottle of hand sanitiser on the bar. Big groups of very young people (made me feel old in mid-30s!)with no attempt at social distancing. Toilets were dirty and smelly. Won't be going back!

Nice looking place but it stops there. We wanted cocktails but none to be had. The garden was pleasant but no cushions on the chairs and they could have done with a sweep. The loud fan was slightly off putting too. Staff were very pleasant and helpful. Starter was pork belly, tasty but portions were far too big. Snapper with couscous and vegetables was tasty enough but far too big, we found it slightly off putting. The fennel was so hard despite asking for a steak knife was inedible. I felt like we were having home cooked food to be honest. It needs refinement

Very disappointed. Bland over cooked greasy food. Service is slow even though not busy. The takeaway has been in the village as long as I’ve been alive but unfortunately a few years ago it got taken over by a new family and has gone down hill ever since. First time we had been in about a year as it wasn’t great last time but gave the benefit of the doubt but definitely won’t bother again. Over priced over cooked slop.

Nice place, cosy, nice staff.Jass served us and gave us very good customer service. Will be back again.