Battersea Barge Bistro in Wandsworth

We stumbled upon the Battersea Barge on our walk back from Battersea on Friday night. It was a beautiful evening so we thought why not. There was a real friendly atmosphere with a varied selection of drinks available at the bar. It was upstairs seating only as there was a party on the lower deck, but as I said, it was a beautiful evening with great views of the Thames so it was the place to be.

Went to the dark comedy show on 12th May. Absolutely fantastic night- lovely staff, comics were amazing and such good value for money! Will be back

The venue was fine, facilities were clean, and it was novel to be on a boat but the comedy show we went to - The Comedy Boat - was bizarre?? Like it was listed as dark comedy but it wasn’t funny?? Just a vessel for racism/misogyny/homphobia and people weren’t laughing but it kept coming?

What a great night we had at battersea barge, was a last minute booking and we are so glad we stumbled across it! can’t wait to come back again the comedy night was Absolutley hilarious. Every act was so much fun Especially the finale Micheal Hackett - get him on a world tour he is class Can’t wait to come back again

I was there on 19th Jan 2024 for our Westminster Hotel staff party very good ambient nice location very tasty food and good sections of drinks and best of all their staff members one of the best service I have received after very long time even though I work for a 4 star hotel and thank you Mr DJ for the lovely songs and the girls and boys who were serving food and drinks guys your service was amazing thank you so much for making it a wonderful and memorable evening 🙏🧡 definitely will recommend this place for my friends family and my guests 5 star 🌟 experience 😀

It was a great night out with friends experiencing diverse comedy and some drinks. Truly worth a visit whether it be for the comedy or one of the other events they conduct on the barge.

Such great value for money. Such fun. What a great night. Michael Hatcher the compare is so funny and works so hard. We expected 1 comedian and got 4. A laugh from start to finish. Great pizza and a free drink. Nothing not to like. The barge is lovely too. We will be back

We hired the lower deck for our engagement party (for a VERY reasonable price) and it was absolutely perfect. The staff (particularly the lady with the orange trousers) couldn’t do enough for you and all our guests had a great time. Perfect venue size for approx 70 guests. Thank you so much!

WORST CUSTOMER SERVICE I HAVE EVER SEEN I had booked a table at the barge last night to celebrate my birthday with a group of 12 people. I am afraid my experience there was completely ruined by one of your staff, Niklas. He was tremendously rude to everyone throughout the night, it felt like he was angry at customers, to be honest. The service at the bar by him was horrible, he would look at the people with his hands in his pocket like he was doing thema favor. Later on in the evening, he went to tell my friends that the deck was closed and they could not smoke there anymore, which they could have not known, when I went outside to join them they absolutely shocked from his behaviour and they way they had been kicked off the deck, he didn't even give them time to finish their cigarette, he just stood there staring at them. And again, towards the kitchen was long closed on of my friends ordered a bit of food, which is something that most pubs allow. Instead of telling my friend this was not allowed he waited until we all stepped away from the table to sneak the food away and toss it in the bin, when I asked about it he say "you are not allowed food here and it's gone now", again looking at me like I had run over his dog or something, I don't really see the issue in having food in a pub that is not providing the service anymore, especially co considering the kitchen closed quite early and I spent roughly £500 on pizzas and drinks already, but he could have told my friend and he would have eaten his food outside obviously. I am really sorry about this long email, but there was more. At the end of the night when he tried to kick us off the boat he said we had 5 minutes to finish our drinks which were about done anyway and I told him we were nearly done anyway but I thought the place closed at 1 am, she said there was no fixed closing time on this location, they close when they are ready. After not even 5 minutes he came again to rush us out at, again in the rudest manner possible, at which my friend pointed out how rude he had been all night and if he could please stop being so impolite to everyone, he did not even pretend to care. We left and when my friend thanked the ladies at the bar he mumbled something after her, everyone heard this. I am absolutely shocked by this experience, which has completely ruined the night for everyone and it was not just us he spoke like this to, I saw him address other customersthroughout the night this way, for no obvious reasons. Although the ladies behind the bar were lovely and location was beautiful, I do not feel I can recommend this place, it has horrible. Apologies for the long rant!

Went to a friends birthday party and the sound didn’t work. The organizers had to hire in equipment at the last minute to save the day and the venue were clueless and unwilling to refund them for their mess. The staff were pretty unhelpful too and took ages to get served all night.

Organised a party for my wifes 40th but the sound system didnt work. We had no choice but to hire another one at the last minute at our own expense. Now they are refusing to reimburse us those costs. Unbelievable considering the amount we paid and spent in there that night. Not acceptable, avoid at all costs.

Held a party for a client recently and the music system didn’t work. We hired in PA system last minute and the barge refused to refund us. Shocking customer service and the staff clueless. AVOID AT ALL COSTS!

Sadly the Barge will be closing for a refit in January as it has to move to make way for a drilling platform and will be gone for 6 months. Not the easiest place to find but worth seeking out. Some great cabaret nights there and it’s a lovely intimate venue. Nice venue for a wedding or party too.

Enjoyed a delicious meal and excellent service. Possibly the best tapas that I have tasted. Chose mainly traditional dishes and we were not disappointed.

Just some advice really. Nice quirky venue. Think you need the Sun out to use the whole barge and make it a whole experience. You can make it as unusual as you want with decs so thats good. However the lager pump ran out just an hour after the party started at 4pm. And that was maybe with 10 people on board at that time. Followed by 4 out of the 5 draught pumps running out by 6.30. That is very bad planning knowing you have a party booked. No plan to get any more kegs from anywhere and no real apologies. So you had to buy bottles if you wanted anything other than cider. Much more expensive way so hope that wasn't the ploy. This was not a group of rugby playing drinking machines so make sure when they do ask is there any particular drink you would like to stock up on (yes they do ask), draught beers would be a good start.

I've been to the Barge on three occasions - twice at night and once for a lunchtime concert. It's a very quirky, fun venue. Easy walk from Vauxhall tube, takes about 10 mins and you can walk by the Thames for most of it. There are roadworks at the moment on the road so it all looks a bit isolated when you're getting there but just passed the Waitrose cross the road and you enter a pretty modern enclave where there are eateries, benches and pretty plant displays and also The Battersea Barge! The Barge itself has a clear entrance and you can either head on deck and descend via a tiny spiral staircase or use the ramp and go easy...the latter is my choice every time. Inside it's like a tiny theatre with the stage at oe end and chairs and tables leading up the the bar. The bar is small but well manned with toilets located opposite it. I have only ordered food on it once and was not impressed at all hence only 4 stars not 5 and I am not a fussy eater, but my chicken burger contained a tiny little bit of chicken that looked burnt but was actually undercooked and the chips were over done. However this was only for the chicken burgers and my friend hamburger was wolfed down happily. The entertainment was great, the sound quality all good and I would really recommend this cute little venue for a gathering of no more than 60 with exclusive use.

Attended a friends party which was hired out here - Was an absolute disgrace - The place is not set up to run separate events on both the lower and upper deck as toilets and bar are only located on the lower..... Fights and agression ensued. If you are going to hire it you need to hire the entire boat. There were no working speakers and no music and generally an absolute shambles. If you want a smooth running event DO NOT HIRE THIS.

Went to the Barge last Thursday (5th Jan 17) to watch and support the 3rd year Colchester Performing Arts students caberet show. Finding the Barge can be something of a pain if you don't know the area and being also somewhat hindered by the building works taking place in the immediate area near the quay from Nine Elms Lane. Taxi had to find a spot some distance from the walk way enterance, which was made all the more problematic as one of our party was on crutches. Some additional signage from and on the main road would help too. Anyway. The Barge. Interesting venue. Access via a covered gang plank was adequate, then enter via a small door and down some more into the converted hull. Awkward for the less able bodied, but it is a barge so hey ho!. First impressions were mixed. Long and narrow as you would expect and very crampt. Sort of setup that once you have a seat you stay there and hold on to your bladder at all costs. The small bar had a decent selection of beers, including a craft ale and the usual mix of spirits. Bar prices were as expected for London, but not extotionate by any means. Also tucked away is a small galley that provides some basic but very well cooked hot and cold food. I had the Burger meal and it was top drawer. A proper hand made beef burger with all the trimmings, chips and sides for less than £10. More than happy with that. The main part of the venue includes the small stage towards the bow end of the vessel which was well lit and gave just about enough space for the performers to do their stuff. A couple of spiral staircases took you to the upper deck, on this occasion not a lot to see apart from access to the mens toilet, womens ware downstairs at the stern end of the vessel. The staff were supurb and made up for any of the minor failings of the Barge with their excellent attiude to customer service. I reckon that this place would especially be suited to comedy nights or a bit of intimate Jazz. Just need to sort the seating so that people don't feel so enclosed. All in all not a bad venue, if a bit cozy and I would definately recommend this place if looking for somewhere a bit different.

Work here regularly. Menu is a bit limited but food is great. Has some wonderful cabaret events but it's usually very quiet and a wonderful location. Great for a quiet drink. Enjoy it while you can as it's likely to get busy once the new US embassy opens next year.

we parked out on he road and walked into the boat,down the stairs and we were inside. i sat down by a porthole ans was strangely fascinated by the tidecoming in and goingout, the seating wascomfotable the atmosphere good adthe food and service very good

Celebramos una fiesta para amigos y familia. Mostrar diferentes actos de cabaret, 7. Excepcionalmente bien este, sonido y la iluminación era excelente. Algunas personas la comida y las bebidas se mantiene fluyendo. El personal era excelente previamente y durante la noche. Gracias a todos por hacer de la noche un éxito fabuloso.

It was my sisters wedding on the barge , the barge was fab apart from a bit rocky but not the barge fault , the food was fantastic !! Really great tasting and quality - service great too

Lugar inusual, afectados por la marea y las olas a veces bow mucho movimiento, mejor después de un número de bebidas. El personal maravilloso, de lo más amable y servicial. La comida era muy buena, cocinados en la barbacoa. Buena selección de cervezas y licores.El lugar es un poco cansado, pero en general, una buena experiencia.

Attended a private party thrown by some sailing friends on 9/4/16 at the Battersea Barge. Can't remember everything in the final account as it was a rather full night but the service was fun and the beers were cold. Definitely a pleasant, but very informal, spot. Can't speak for the food (if there is any)- eating was cheating.

é caro, mas vale a pena. Para quem quer comer em um ambiente agradável e gosta de comida de qualidade, pode acreditar porque o restaurante é show de bola

We attended an event on Battersea Barge recently, (private party) and we left shortly after arriving. The barge itself is quite run down. The drinks at the Bar were poor, we sent the wine back and the replacement wine was still undrinkable. But the reason we left was the safety. The barge has an upper deck, where smoking was allowed. The downstairs was reachable by a tiny spiral staircase. The exit was near the bar and toilet area which were very congested. We estimated that around fifty people too many had been allowed to board and decided if the barge caught fire we would be toast so we left. I am sure as a restaurant it works differently but as a party venue it really is not suitable.

It's hard to find this place but once you get in there it's worth finding.The staffs are welcoming and friendly . Me and my friend went there on a Thursday evening and we tried their food . I had the best lamb shank ever !! The price is considerable and have to say , there is a friendly atmosphere . Will back soon .

If you are visiting, please be aware that you need a Duke of Edinburgh's Award in orienteering to find the Battersea Barge! Just so you know, enter Cringle St, turn immediate right into Kirtling St and follow a narrow alley, cross a road, pass along a service road, through another alley, past some permanently moored boats and you are there! The barge is actually in a wonderful location, but currently it is hidden behind a massive (and I mean gargantuan) building development. When that has been completed and the Thames Path has been restored, this barge will come into it's own. At the moment, though, it is suffering. On our visit, we did not eat, so I cannot speak for the food, but it was a fun venue. There are two levels - our event was at the lower level. Upstairs, there is a small outdoor area for smoking and enjoying the view. The interior looks a little tired and dark and needs to be brightened up - otherwise, this is a lovely, intimate little venue. It's best feature is it's location on the river, with stunning views, so when the building work is finished and it is revealed to the world, it may well become the place to go.

I love the water, and this little Barge is insanely charming. Romantic and casual at the same time, it's perfect both for a date or for a night out with friends and family. I didn't try the food when I went, but their fish and chips looked dee-lish. Will definitely be going again.

I have been visiting the Battersea Barge for the last four years and it's a great set up, much under-rated, many have never been and many haven't heard of its existence! Tucked away (lately) behind the massive St. James Homes building site on Nine Elms Rd, its a brilliant cabaret venue, a real one off. The programme of events is varied from the risqué and bawdy to musical theatre highlights. The barge is also available for private hire. The host is very welcoming and the staff friendly. A past winner of the Best Venue Award and its clear why, good entertainment, a bar and on the River Thames. The Barge is static but when the tide is in the gentle rocking is not unpleasant. A great atmosphere and good value for money make for a very good night out with friends. It's not the QEII and the cuisine is not haute BUT who cares?! In the true cabaret style, leave your troubles outside and step aboard, it's worth it. I say, God bless the barge and all who sail in her!

Tried the Barge for the first tome having lived across the river for years. Was pleasantly surprised. London at its most fun. The food was just ok and the wine just about drinkable but priced appropriately. But we had so much fun it didn't matter. Service was good in difficult circumstanses. Just great. Thank you.

This was such a fantastic, unique venue for the Songfest event organised by a Music teacher showcasing her adult pupils: amateur and semi-professional. The atmosphere was relaxed. There was tasty pub-style food and the service was discreet, good natured and efficient whilst the various acts took place. One of our group had been to a party here last year and was raving about the venue. In fact, so many guests were loving every minute that the tribute that could be made are too many to log. Apparently they do very wicked wedding receptions here if you are looking for a quirky venue which is run professionally.Love to go back!

I went there yesterday for a musical cabaret night. I'd been to the venue before, but as a performer.I thoroughly enjoyed the atmosphere, the music and the food was delicious. Probably the best lamb shank I'd ever had!

We went here last night for a friend's 40th birthday party and he'd hired the while boat for the night. The venue is fantastic - a big boat on the Thames. The staff were so unbelievably friendly and we had a fantastic night - thanks to the venue. Apparently thy do comedy nights and all sorts of themed evening too - we will be back.