Crumpets Cafe in St. Helens

As an advocate for the too few remaining ‘greasy spoon’ cafés, Crumpets was beyond disappointing. Nowhere did it obviously state ‘cash only’, which would have been helpful. Also, the front window, where we sat, is obscured by a large Union flag in need of a wash with old map prints poorly affixed to it. Everywhere the ceiling is bedecked with often faded bunting. The decor is a pallid homage to jaded patriotism. The ceiling above us consisted of wooden planking, some of which was loose. We sat at a table near the door, then I went to the counter at the rear. I waited, waited, and waited for 7 minutes. Eventually I placed an order for the special breakfast (including coffee) and bacon & sausage on toast with a coffee. On attempting to pay with a debit card I was advised “cash only”; I returned to our table to try and scrape some cash together - to no avail. I returned to the counter to ask where the nearest ATM was, and was advised to head in the direction of Herons. I successfully returned from a 0.3 mile walk with some cash. My partner then joined a small queue at the counter, where he spent 12 minutes before being able to pay. During this time our food order arrived, he came back for his coffee to drink it whilst queuing. My order was not as described, with no toast or jam/marmalade as indicated on the board. As for the food that was presented - it was okay apart from my partner’s toast, which seemed to have been made from out of date bread, and the cheap sausages. Then the final coup de grâce, “Where are the toilets?” my partner asked. He was accompanied to the cafe’s front door from where a distant shop was pointed out that had such a modern facility. My partner set off only for the staff member to realise that the suggested shop was closed. Unable to attract his attention, her colleague successfully screamed (startling those in the cafe) at him to return, which he did. We left immediately, to find sanitary salvation in Tesco only 2 minutes away by car. Genuinely, neither of us could recall a worse ‘dining’ experience. ‘Fawlty Towers Café’ might be a suitable renaming suggestion - though with an absence of humour. Just dreadful.

As an advocate for the too few remaining ‘greasy spoon’ cafés, Crumpets was beyond disappointing. Nowhere did it obviously state ‘cash only’, which would have been helpful. Also, the front window, where we sat, is obscured by a large Union flag in need of a wash with old map prints poorly affixed to it. Everywhere the ceiling is bedecked with often faded bunting. The decor is a pallid homage to jaded patriotism. The ceiling above us consisted of wooden planking, some of which was loose. We sat at a table near the door, then I went to the counter at the rear. I waited, waited, and waited for 7 minutes. Eventually I placed an order for the special breakfast (including coffee) and bacon & sausage on toast with a coffee. On attempting to pay with a debit card I was advised “cash only”; I returned to our table to try and scrape some cash together - to no avail. I returned to the counter to ask where the nearest ATM was, and was advised to head in the direction of Herons. I successfully returned from a 0.3 mile walk with some cash. My partner then joined a small queue at the counter, where he spent 12 minutes before being able to pay. During this time our food order arrived, he came back for his coffee to drink it whilst queuing. My order was not as described, with no toast or jam/marmalade as indicated on the board. As for the food that was presented - it was okay apart from the toast, which seemed to have been made from out of date bread, and the cheap sausages. Then the final coup de grâce, “Where are the toilets?” my partner asked. He was accompanied to the cafe’s front door from where a distant shop was pointed out that had such a modern facility. My partner set off only for the staff member to realise that the suggested shop was closed. Unable to attract his attention, her colleague successfully screamed (startling those in the cafe) at him to return, which he did. We left immediately, to find sanitary salvation in Tesco only 2 minutes away by car. Genuinely, neither of us could recall a worse ‘dining’ experience. ‘Fawlty Towers Café’ might be a suitable renaming suggestion - though with an absence of humour. Just dreadful.

£13 for 2 breakfasts, two hot drinks, extra toast and a can of pop. Absolutely can't beat it. And one of the best breakfasts I've had!

I like this cafe normally. What you see is what you get. Excellent value for money. Great service. BUT today, I noticed a downward slide. There was egg yellow dried up on my table. The worse bit.... since when is it acceptable for dogs to be allowed in a cafe where food is served? Time for me to find another cafe. Dogs are a big No-No where food is served.

Great food and hospitality. Great value will definitely be coming back

Breakfast was lovely , but there was mould on the toast ! When I told them , they said it would be the heat .. and gave me some more . But that was the same. The bread they used was also frozen as the crust (that had mould on) was very powdery. Wish I'd never gone as I found out it only had a 2 star rating for hygiene 🤢

Been going here for 10 yrs plus great food at great prices

Best breakfast in earlestown!!! Staff are so nice and friendly. Great little find. Food is always freshly cooked and served with a smile.

Fantastic, very friendly service. We wanted something light so both opted for the toastie. It was a good toastie! Would go again if in the area.

Great little cafe, staff are very friendly and welcoming, great selection of nice food at good prices. We'll be back next time we're in Earlestown.

Very smokey inside cafe dark food ok

Great find this, best cooked breakfast I have had in years. Great value at £5.20 including a decent mug of tea and will definitely be back.

My first time visit today to Crumpet Cafe and wished I hadn't called in. Greasy food, smokey inside which makes your eyes water. Old lady seems to suffer with some form of memory loss as she can't get her orders right. Terrible food and terrible service, don't recommend and won't be going there again.

We had a small breakfast and a cup of tea for under a tenner. Great service and value for money. The breakfast was hot and just enough to fill us.

Great full English very reasonable price great old well run family cafe

Just how a cafe is supposed to be.

can be a little Claustrophobic as the cafe is not to big and very popular, but the food is good and the prices on par - I just wish they had decent coffee instead of the instant dishwater they serve - minus one star for that, otherwise faultless

5* all round for this cafe. Quality food fantastic staff at prices you won’t beat. I went again this morning and met with the same consistent quality and service. Thank you.

Fabulous food, breakfasts are always fantastic, pleasent atmosphere, brilliant friendly service, highly recommended.

My husband and I visited this place the other day and had a meal, the staff were friendly and approachable. If you're ever visiting earlstown this place is definitely worth a visit, weather you just want a quick bite or stopping in for your dinner I'd recommend a visit

Good basic breakfast at reasonable price they are willing to adapt the menu a bit for your breakfast requirements, staff helpful and friendly

Excellent small cafe, friendly staff, excellent food.

Great full breakfast at a great price and friendly staff we go for breakfast everytime we go to earlstown market.

Grate price for a full breakfast can't knock it

Had the Full English with cup of tea.Fried egg,bacon,beans,tomato and fried bread,with toast and spread for afters less than a fiver can't grumble at that.Staff very friendly and efficient would recommend a visit.

Best Breakfast.. In the UK.. I love this little place. Friendly service. 5 Stars 👍 From us.. Norm&Sonia x

I really do believe in supporting local businesses, and I want to see this place continue to thrive. The staff are lovely and personable. That said, the food really was not great. The egg tasted of stale oil, the mushrooms were grim tinned variety, the breakfast tasted of nothing else other than the stale oil. The plate on which it was served was chipped. Also, there were more flags than at a UKIP conference, with a grim wrinkled magazine picture of the dead queen and Philip. Inexplicable.

Very friendly staff and it's nice to see an independent cafe. However, the food was of very poor quality. The eggs tasted of stale oil and the mushrooms were those grim tinned kind. Plate was chipped. The cafe was also covered in more flags than a UKIP rally, which was kind of unsettling.

If you want a hearty well cooked full English at a reasonable price ...look no further.

It's a great place to eat, the staff are amazing and the food is fresh not part cooked re heated rubbish.

Great food great people best cafe in merseyside.

Good breakfast good price nice staff

Once a week if not twice, this gorgeous cosy little cafe is the best of British, from the food (not greasy, not raw just perfect) the staff, gorgeous, courteous, and the governor is a man driven with passion. If you go please respect the elderly folk and those who come with carers. This cafe is a home from home, I and my friends are very glad to be loyal patrons.

Discrepancies over cash order and service - needs to be clearer. Good fry up and value for money.

Honestly I reckon ghandis corpse could have kept this place cleaner. All tables sticky with white stuff on it, glasses with dodgy marks and the Tempreture in there is enough to make greta thumburg convulse in rigamortis. I'd rather eat a wigan kebab of james cordons chest then here again

Friendly staff good honest food..

Only went to get a book signed by a gentleman. Food looked great.

Always a pleasure yo ho there, good food , lovely staff xx

Lovely friendly establishment....

Lovely atmosphere, very friendly staff and AMAZINGLY delicious food! Would certainly recommend this cafe to anyone. Thank you! ⭐️

Proper old school cafe, good food and service

I love it good food and a great laugh with the staff

Love this place best gaff In Newton for breakfast

Cracking cafe, great value , friendly staff. Came on a Saturday morning and it was really busy. Had the full breakfast and it was fab.

Popped in for breakfast, it arrived quickly, was piping hot and egg was cooked the way I'd asked for. All very tasty and great value. It was quite busy throughout our stay, but tables were quickly cleared for the next customer. Will be calling again soon

Not great chewy jacket potato old fashioned urgent need of a clean strange odour cheap as chips but I see why

Needs a good clean, full of stains on wallpaper cobwebs on walls full of dust, I was served a cup of tea with stains on the outside looks like it hadn't been washed properly. The floor hasn't been cleaned properly the dirt In the corners were they divide tables everyone I could see was built up with dirt. If that's what your letting customer see and can't imagine what the kitchen is like that we can't see.

Cheap as it comes price wise,lovely wholesome food and great staff and the owners are the loveliest pple you could meet.

Fantastic Food and Friendly Staff.

Me and my husband felt sick after eating from this place and the food tasted off

Great friendly place, good variety of food, place is a big rundown but the staff and atmosphere makes up for it, owners are very welcoming, place is as clean as it can be

Always call for Breakfast when visiting Earlestown Market, Lovely Food and friendly Atmosphere, Staff are very welcoming ,Large Breakfast and Coffee for a £5 Lovely, It could do with doing up a bit but who cares Fab Place Love it.

They make the best breakfast,with quality sausages and bacon . Very reasonably priced

Good food, made to feel very welcome, good food and a great selection at an affordable price. Love it there.

Brilliant first class staff,food substantial and enjoyable atmosphere

Great food friendly staff well worth a visit if your in town

Excellent service and the food is outstanding for the price.

Down to earth, friendly cafe with good honest filling breakfast..also reasonable prices

Lovely food plentiful too so friendly always good for a joke Lovely people highly recommend

Five of us enjoyed a full breakfast. Good quality and value for money. Service with a smile what more could you ask for? Will call there again!

Visited August 2020, I actually like this cafe. The atmosphere and the staff. The food is good. But, the premises is tired and grubby. the ceiling has not been cleaned for years and it is need of attention. Track and Trace according to UK Government guidelines was not being complied with.

Been here a few times now on a Friday as it's a long wait for my train home. The staff are nice and friendly its clean inside. It's nice to sit down and relax after work and drink your cup of tea and just chill out.

Friendly, reasonably priced cafe

Friendly, nice food, good service

Good breakfast, friendly staff.

Lovely place to eat. Prices arnt too bad, the people are very friendly

Love this place go every tuesday fantastic staff and lovely food even the slimmers breakfast xx

Been twice recently, the breakfast is excellent value very filling and tasty. Its not a palace its a cheap cafe that offers tasty value for money food, we will return.

"Crumpets" ought to be a more inviting and popular little corner cafe in a district (Earlestown) that badly needs something a little bit out of the ordinary. The cafe is certainly quaint, with its screened seating compartments and its walls covered in interesting and quite historic old photographs. The simple food (various English-style breakfasts, fish and chips, omelettes, baked potatoes etc) is well-cooked, value-for-money and served by friendly staff or the equally friendly and locally knowledgeable owner himself. Unfortunately, however, its recent hygiene rating was very low, though it might now be much improved. Also, the last time we were there, with a friend, the place was excessively noisy, thanks to a family with unruly kids and apparently unconcerned parents, yelling and shouting and batting inflated balloons around the place (adults as well as children). I like the place, its owner and his friendly female staff but the hygiene rating needs to improve if it hasn't already and noisy customers need to be warned politely to be less obtrusive for the sake of others - and the cafe's reputation. It could be a slightly eccentric but deservedly popular local cafe, especially in the summer and on market days (Fridays) when people can sit outdoors enjoying the sunshine and watching the centuries-old market scene across the road.

My partner and his family have come here for years...me, only just a few times but they do the best breakfasts here for a reasonable price too! Love this place

friendly old world cafe serving great food

It was great the bacon is very nice

Awfully greasy dirty plsce food is nice health and hight should go

I havent been in there, just psssing

Best sausage on toast I've ever tasted do a good full breakfast as well. Staff all friendly an easy to get on with. I would recommend this cafe anytime

Very good breakfast. Decor could do with an update.

Yes nice proper freindly staff , cheerful lots to offer fresh and delicious food .can get packed on certain days.but it's that traditional corner cafe .that s what we need .spot on ..try it. You wouldn't be sorry.

You just can't beat this cafe for value for money

Even thats to many stars its awful this place blue bottles in the windowssnall fatty awful llce i have been in there and its made me ill never again will i go in there

Lovely, cosy. freindley , a good full breakfast at a decent price

Highly recommend this cafe, happy friendly atmosphere and great value for money, extremely child friendly

It's a greasy spoon cosy. Your not paying for Michelin so don't expect it. Just a secret hidden away dark little place that does the best breakfast and a nice cup a coffee just what the doctor ordered

Delicious!! cooked From scratch And tastes amazing

Belter of a cafe it feels like I'm back in Amsterdam it's really homely

Staff are friendly and helpful but they need to get some fans to get rid of the greasie smell

Great staff great food just great

Great value for money breakfast in cosy surroundings

Best cafe I have been to in years. Good food excellent hospitality. Great price.

Good home cooked meals very friendly staff and child friendly too

Great that they give carers discount and food is always delicious

Typical greasy spoon, good atmosphere, all day breakfast to keep you going all day...

the table cloths felt like grease on them and it could do with a lick of paint ewerywhere and when you sit down there is not enough room on some of the table's

Absolutely love coming here for breakfast! There is always such a warm welcoming feel to the place and the food is always perfect!

The best cafe in Earlstown, took the family, always a pleasure to eat there.

Great value breakfast woth quick and friendly service. The people obviously care about the local community here which is felt in the café. Would recommend to locals and visitors alike. Its on the market square so a great stop off if you're visiting the famous market on saturdays and sundays.

Food comes out quick. Good service.

Proper cafe and great value on all food. There is a real sense of community in there and all staff were friendly, chatty and accommodating with our children. Food was good to and plentiful.

Amazing food great quality for the price

Oh yes best in town for a full breakfast plus other foods, you will leave like a fat stuff pig ready for the day ahead.

Omg that place wants closing down I will never go in there again it's disgusting I am sure health and safety have never been in there the place is dirty the fan in the cafe is full of grease and dirt the plug near the heat I is dirty and thete dead flys in the widow and the wooden window frames are rotten lime the place I have had stomach she feel ill